literature

Steve/Bucky thing

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ChasserLeMatin's avatar
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Literature Text

Steve was being dishonest. A lie of omission is still a lie, right? And on those cold winter nights when Bucky would climb into their shared bed (their apartment was too small for two of them), taking pity on Steve's small, shivering form and gathering him up in his arms, it was no less of a lie to keep from Bucky how much he loved being pressed close to his chest than it was to outright deny it.
Still though, Steve was sure Bucky was interested in woman. Bucky spent most of his weekends out with some Pam or Julie or Susan (Steve couldn't keep them straight). Steve, while able to appreciate the artistic aesthetic of a woman's body, could only conjure up mild fear and disinterest at the prospect of being with one. Occasionally, he would try to kindle an interest by fantasizing about lithe, smooth forms moving against his own painfully scrawny one. But those nearly always melted into being held by toned, strong arms, his own pale skin against tanned chests and stomachs and thighs, skin stretched tighter than his own over muscles he never quite developed. Steve felt heat build in his lower regions depite himself, and despite the shame he felt for managing to screw up yet another crucial part of the general male persona.
And he did feel terrible for it really, keeping such a vital part of himself from his best friend. Especially when it involved Bucky so heavily, as Steve was never more attracted to any man as he was to Bucky. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to say anything, for fear of being rejected, or worse, being laughed at.
But still, Steve wasn't exactly a creature of subtlety, wouldn't Bucky figure it out for himself sooner or later? Steve never actively tried to get dates (even if he did, what kind of woman would want him anyway?), and the only times he even attempted to show an interest was when Bucky tried to set him up with one dame or another he met at the grocery or on the street or wherever. On top of that, Steve spent an inordinate amount of time admiring Bucky's incredible figure. Of course though, if asked about that he could pass it off as studying him for artistic reasons. Bucky was Steve's favorite subject to draw, and he knew it. Steve could spend hours trying to capture on paper the familiar expressions of his friend, and there was page after page of his sketchbook dedicated to Bucky's hands, the curve of his spine, his hair in the morning after he sleeps on it funny, and so on. When he finished with a sketch, Bucky would always demand to see, and after looking at it would give Steve a genuinely warm smile (which would make Steve's chest feel all wobbly and cause a big stupid grin to spread across his own features as well), followed usually by a light-hearted nudge to his arm or shoulder.
Many times, Steve would set out to tell him. He'd start off fine, but then think too hard about what he was saying and cut himself off midsentence. Then a deep red blush would creep across his features, and this would earn a stare and a teasing jab from Bucky. Tonight though, tonight would be the night he would finally open himself up to Bucky, come hell and high water. He would make himself known if it killed him
When Bucky walked through the door of their ramshackle apartment, Steve was laying on his stomach on the bed, staring out the only window of their room. Bucky flopped himself down next to his friend, and gave him that crooked grin Steve had come to love so much. They chatted for a while about their days, whether or not Steve sold any of his drawings, if Bucky brought home any food. Offhandedly, Bucky mentioned a date he had planned for the next day. Steve tried to mask the jealously in his face with a smile, and was it just him, or did it look like Bucky was masking something too? This could be a good opportunity to say what he had set out to say.
"Bucky..." Steve started. He looked up at Bucky's expression, and he saw that Bucky was looking at him with anticipation, nonverbally urging him to go on. Steve was a bit miffed by this, and shut his mouth.
"Yeah, Steve?" Bucky said, nudging his shoulder in an attempt to persuade him to finish his statement.
Steve shook his head. "Have fun on your date."
Bucky appeared to deflate, trying a forced little smile. "Yeah, I will."
Steve sighed and Bucky got up to wipe the grime off his face and make himself presentable for this particular lady. Steve flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He knew he would tell him someday, and he knew it would be soon.
It's kind of a precursor to an RP that me and :iconxbrainxstewx: are gonna do, that's why it ends so weird, sorry y'all.
© 2013 - 2024 ChasserLeMatin
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WolvesChaseRabbits's avatar
UGH DAMMIT FEELS DASNJFK:SAHDJLNSAF 
SAY IT. IT NEEDS TO BE SAID.